Can you hear me now?

Want better communication? Try better listening

What's the biggest barrier to effective communication? Effective listening. Listening is the forgotten half of communication.

Are you a good listener? Take this test:
1. In conversations, do you often talk more than you listen?

2. Does your mind often wander?

3. Do you silently or vocally judge or criticize when someone is speaking?

4. Do you think ahead about what you're going to say while the person is still talking?

5. When a problem comes up while the speaker is talking, do you often react without gathering all the facts-perhaps by interrupting?

6. Do you ever pretend you're listening when you're really not?

7. Are you quick to give advice or offer strong opinions?

8. Do you believe it's the speaker's responsibility to communicate effectively?

9. Do you often think you've heard someone's name or an important fact only to discover you've forgotten it?

10. Do you think good listeners are born with that talent?

If you answered yes to any of these, your listening skills could improve. If you answered yes to more than five, you're probably not considered a very good listener. You're not alone-most people are in the same boat. The good news is, you can become a better listener.

Barriers to good listening:
1. Attitude: We tend to equate speaking with being in power-maybe that's why we're not such good listeners. There's a reason we have two ears and one mouth.

2. Preoccupation: When you're preoccupied with what you're going to say next in the conversation, you don't hear what the speaker is saying.

3. Emotional filters: If we're uncomfortable with someone, we tune out what they're saying. It may be the way the person looks, the accent, or words the person uses ("conservative, liberal, redneck, jock, union.") If we disagree with what we hear or see, we tune it out.

4. Anxiety and stress: When we're preoccupied with our own problems, it's hard to listen.

5. Distraction: We can't listen well in a noisy, interruption-prone environment.

Good communication is the LISTENER's responsibility. The listener has the power to determine what gets through, to decode the message, to terminate any time (by checking out).

Do you ever have a smile on your face and interested expression only to be miles away? The speaker can usually sense you're not listening and will resent you for it. You won't get away with faking it. You have to really want to listen well.

How to show you're really paying attention:
Posture:
1. DO lean toward the speaker. (If the speaker backs away, you're too close!)

2. DO face directly toward speaker

3. DON'T cross your legs and arms. It indicates the listener is closed, defensive, or stubborn.

Movement:
1.DON'T shift back and forth, drum fingers, jangle keys, swing your leg up and down. These indicate restlessness and boredom.

2. DO nod your head to indicate you understand (not necessarily that you agree).

Sounds:
1. DO ask short questions or paraphrase to reflect what a person says: "What do you think is a better way to do it?" "Can you tell me more about that?" "Would you explain that further?" "In other words, you're saying…?"

Eye contact:
1. DO make eye contact at least 60 percent of the time.

2. DON'T look over the speaker's shoulder (indicates you're more interested in something else and distracts the speaker).

Good listeners are made, not born. You can improve your communication skills both on and off the job by practicing better listening.